Netflix Iron Fist – TV Review

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Episode 1:  I LOVE Daredevil.  I got through Jessica Jones tolerably well.  I enjoyed the Harlem experience with Luke Cage.  Now it’s time for some unknown Bruce Lee type to don some green robes and a yellow mask and kick butt!

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Same episode: Um, who is this amiable bore, and when do we see the hero?

Episode 3. Dogged.  Determined. Persistent.  Committed.

No, these aren’t traits of Iron Fist, the titular lead of Netflix’s latest Marvel hero series.  That’s my utter ridiculousness of seeing this wretched series through three episodes.  Of all the actors to be cast as an action hero, they take Will Ferrell, only without the charisma.  Or whatever it is he has.   Ugh.

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Episode 4:  Dear Diary -  I’ve survived, but I’m lost in the forest. Teak. Maple. Oak. Mahogany. Pine. Walnut. Elm.  Ash.  These are much more interesting than the wooden actors in this show.  You’re even making me doubt the actress who plays Claire Temple, Marvel’s resident ad hoc nurse.  That’s shameful. 

Episode 5:  Dear Diary – Maybe I was too harsh!  I must be becoming a critic or something. Actually, it’s not entirely the actors’ fault.  The dialogue often carries the same depth and eloquence we witnessed when Anakin Skywalker romanced Padme Amidala.  Young Darth and Danny Rand share a similar unconvincing rage and stubbornness.  I wonder if I can establish a “7 degrees of Kevin Bacon” to make a connection between the writers of Star Warts and Iron Fist.  That would be time better spent.  Oops. Another episode is starting.  Damn you, Netflix!

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Episode Whatever:  Dear Diary -  Why does Danny get hurt so much? (Psst. Spoiler alert. Danny Rand is Iron Fist). I mean, really? The punches and kicks of his adversaries obviously bring all the accuracy inherited from hard training at the Imperial Dojo of Storm troopers.  Why exert so much energy dodging?  Just wave your fist in front of their face, and they will fall before you!  That’s power.  Iron Fist power. 

Episode 10. Dear Diary - My introspective nature noted in Episode 3 has proven itself again and again.  I deserve the Daredevil Grit Award for watching this.   Why? Why?  Why do I keep returning to this?  Because unlike these actors, I rise above the material, that’s why!

Episode 11.  Really?  The cute Asian girl who almost comes across as being able to really, really like the stiff Danny is part of the Hand, the evil ninja society that Danny must destroy?  No way!  I mean that’s like, skipping from 2 to 4 when connecting the dots.  But I get it.  There’s not that many dots to connect, and the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  The writers must be hauling in handcarts of coffee to keep up the sizzling pace we’ve seen so far.  By the episode count, the grand finale is right around the corner!  You’re running out of time, fellas!  Skip to 6!  Skip to 6! It’s not going to be a pretty picture when you finish it, anyway.  And so much for diaries.  This is all so unworthy of it.

Episode 13.  I admit.  I cheated.  I searched “Iron Fist episodes” just to confirm that this was, indeed, the final chapter.  It improved my spirits greatly!  And, for this episode, the characters kind of fell into a familiar pattern, well, an all too familiar one.  The stiff, the nut job, the romantic interest, the voice of reason, the jealous “I shoulda been Iron Fist,” and, really, the only character I’m happy to see when she’s on screen, Madam Gao.  She makes Daredevil better, but her talent here only helps the goings on rise all the way to tepid… when she’s on screen, that is.

So, bring on the Defenders.  I’d watch Daredevil any day, even if I have to put up with… this.

The Defenders

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