Boston Rob for President

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Once again I find myself disgusted with American politics, the media, the shrill voices on both Nancy Pelosi - ear plugs please! sides of the political landscape, and a public that hastens to despise big business yet completely trusts in big government.

So, in keeping with my opinion that “undecided” voters are attracted to candidates that they would most want to have over for dinner, I asked myself, “Self? Of all the celebrities, who would might make the best and most surprising leap Rob Marianointo the Presidency?”

Boston Rob.  No, I haven’t given any thought to other candidates.  My brain said “Boston Rob,” and I didn’t feel the need to tax it any further.  Well, okay then.

Who is Boston Rob?  Survivor fans know him well.  Yep, he’s a reality game show contestant, extraordinaire.

Next step.  What qualifications make a great President?  Yahoo responded with 10 traits, which we’ll address:

1) Intelligence.  He graduated from Boston University.  He’s not as smart as Bill Clinton, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  If you watch the show, you know he’s smart enough. Having hosted a “scientific inquiry” show, we also know he’s not closed to the universe’s possibilities, asking important questions, such as mystery of Bigfoot, Mothman, and Roswell for example.

2) Knowledge of current and historical events – Boston Rob makes every effort to keep current with what is going on in his environment, carefully keeping track of forces for and against.  It’s also evident that he remembers his previous trips to Survivor and has learned from the pitfalls of past experience.  He’s not doomed to repeat them.

3) Organizational skills – An area for improvement, but we don’t necessarily get to see these skills on Survivor.  He’s good at classification, at least, aptly labeling “Bonehead” Russell.  But as Russell- the Boneheadseen on two different celebrity poker tournaments, he can organize his cards, and he knows what beats what.

4) Good communicator – He speaks well, and effectively, too.  Just watch him lead his team through a puzzle competition, giving clear direction on who should do what, how they should do it, and how quickly they should shut up.  He’s also comfortable in front of a camera, and he doesn’t need to ink notes on his hand for speaking points.

5) Integrity – Boston Rob has improved in this area, understanding that you want to keep your friends close and your enemies closer – until you vote them off.  He does what he says he’ll do, but, like a political candidate, he may leave out some pertinent details.  An example might be:  “I promise I’ll take you to the end.” then thinks “unless I find that I need to do something else.”  He’s not deluding himself, or others.  He’s being a politician.   As in Highlander, “In the end, there can be only one.”  So he’s as innocent, or as guilty, as anyone else who plays Survivor well. 

6) Courage – dehydration, bruises, cuts – these frailties hinder mortal men, but not Boston Rob, who outperforms anyone when a game is afoot.  Survivor is not a PT-109, but he has staked his claim.

7) Diplomatic skills – Would you have guessed that he has a degree in Psychology?  Diplomacy remains another area for improvement, but he’s working at it.  We’ve seen him coaching Coach with his soft skills, yet he’s also effective in more aggressive “counseling.”   And if he fails at times, I think it’s okay to have a leader who will tell an adversary exactly what he thinks.  Besides, politicians, aside from Joe Biden or Dan Quayle, pretty much just read the cue cards, and Boston Rob and AmberRob has succeeded without a script.

8) Charisma – Amber.  Case closed.  And, if that’s still not enough, he takes the lead and people just get over their own delusions of grandeur.  They know they’re going to win.

9) Perseverance – He puts up with a lot of incompetent, whining, pathetic people, doesn’t he?  Could Congress be much different?

Bo Knows 10) Strong work ethic – A former construction worker, Boston Rob knows work like Bo used to know baseball.

So, who can check the box beside his name?  As Boston Rob is from Beantown, many can assume that he is, by default, a liberal.  And, clearly, he wins favor as a working class guy, for whom most governmental expenditures are justified.  40% of the populace will approve, whether registered, unregistered, or deceased.

Conservatives can favor his contempt for the Socialist state, as evidenced by his lack of tolerance for lazy teammates.  He also does not bow to the altar of political correctness, having been both a bartender and a poker player.  40% of the voting public will approve.  Right wing Christians may have some objections verbally, but like at a liquor store before a party, they’ll be all in.

So, either side of the aisle, Democrat or Republican, can feel justified that Boston Rob is the Bonehead Russell right guy for them, as anyone running against would necessarily be labeled a “Bonehead Russell.”  The press can readily vilify this opponent as a conniving, self-important manipulator and destructive force, just like all those people in that “other” party who are a few cards short of a full deck.

That leaves the undecided voters, for whose benefit we first nominated Boston Rob.  Who would they rather have over for dinner?  Boston Rob?  Or a Bonehead Russell?   The choice is obvious.

Rule #1 in evaluating any study, opinion or Yodafinding:  What were the assumptions made before the evidence was revealed or a conclusion made?  Wise to ask, you are.

I recognize that there may be an objection to limiting this candidate search to a celebrity, or, for that matter, to not excluding celebrities. Ronald Reagan was arguably the last successful conversion to politics  (performance generally regarded based on your personal political bias), though Bill Clinton’s sax Clinton on Arsenioon Arsenio Hall can’t be dismissed.  Given the state of the State of California, Reagan certainly outguns The Terminator.  My assumption was that a celebrity was needed to persuade the voters in the middle.  Little did I know that Boston Rob would be so effective for the polarizing forces to either side!  Incredibly, as celebrities go, Boston Rob does not succumb to celebrity stereotypes.  He neither suffers neither from Paris Hilton’s self-absorbed condescension nor Gary Coleman’s descent to pathetic footnote, or their ilk.  Worthy, indeed.

Rule #2 in evaluating any study, opinion or finding:  Who paid for it?

Why, both of us, with our time.  Sorry about that.

Conclusion:  Given the transparency of three seasons of Survivor and one Amazing Race, it’s clear that as celebrities go, Boston Rob is well grounded in Reality, has the necessary traits for success, and has a singular bipartisan appeal.  Boston Rob is an exemplary candidate for the Office of the President.

Note: In scientific terms, hypotheses are sustainedSurvivor Torch by repeatable observations of identical findings.  Am I alone in sifting through the US populace to arrive at Boston Rob as President?  No.  A Google search reveals that a Facebook group named “Boston Rob for President” already exists.  The movement is on!  Join now!  The Tribe has spoken.

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