Las Vegas Q&A

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Ah, Las Vegas! "The Land of Make Believe" - Carlos Santana

LasVegas Sign

1.  I hear people get killed there every week. Is it really as dangerous as it seems on TV?  I don't really know.  I didn't get killed.  And I didn't hear of anyone getting killed.  So, in my experience, no. Please keep in mind that "CSI" is fiction

2. Why is the desert so hot?  From my observation, it's because all the heat is sucked out of the casinos.  The Hilton was cold enough that it actually felt refreshing to step outside.  Considering that my aging home AC unit announced its retirement today, I feel entitled to give my respects for its (superior) brethren out west.

3. What is a University of Georgia truck doing on the highway from Las Vegas to Beatty?  Enquiring tax-payers want to know!

UGA Truck

3.  Why do I keep going to Las Vegas?  No, it's not a complete write off.  That might work if you're employed by a corporation, but when you work for yourself, it costs real money.  My wife actually does have business there, and this was her third year at the American Craft Retailers Expos, or ACRE.  Based on the economy and past results for this show, we didn't expect to be returning next year.  Actually, her sales were surprisingly good, and returning next year remains a possibility. 

Cellar Art ACRE Booth

4.  What's better after a blistering day at the Hoover Dam than to warm up by a toasty fireplace?   A swimming pool comes to mind.  The designer of the McDonald's in Boulder City, NV apparently thinks otherwise.  Yes, really.

McDonald's Fireplace

5. Can deals be had in Las Vegas?  Yes.  If you ever wanted to go, now is the time.  The Vegas Hilton deal was $59 per night for three nights, including buffets for two each day.  We are Hilton Honors members, but dang, that's a steal.

6.  With so little paid on the motel, did we blow the savings on gambling?  You know, my iPhone has an app for that.  I can play just about any card or slot type game I want, without risking a dime.  I'm not anti-gambling (within an entertainment budget), but I haven't figured out the appeal of inserting cash, pushing a button, and hoping for a BAR BAR BAR match.  Table games are sociable, at least, but I'd rather do even that with friends.

I did contribute $5 to the bookies, I admit.  I placed a $5 bet on Clemson to win the BCS Championship at 50-1 odds.  You might think, "Gosh, that's a lot of money to blow on Clemson.  You could have saved that for your AC unit!"  I agree, but it is also the minimum bet and, at least until my team's first loss, gives me something to look forward to past the doldrums of summer baseball. 

7.  Is that a Significant Other or a Hooker?  Whoa! Where did that question come from! Yes, I saved this one for last, but whereas other towns have ghost tours, this is a question that haunts me walking around in the evening. (Actually, Vegas does have a ghost tour...)

Vegas is a place to party.  Many people tend to "dress up" in the evenings (meaning, something more formal than flip-flops, comfort shorts and a T-shirt).  While some dress to the nines, there are ample number of women who either don't understand what that means or interpret it quite differently, dressing somewhere on a scale from from suggestive to provocative to "you should have already paid to look." The question at hand pops up like an auto-suggest in Google, and I can't help but think it.

Now, you might never have guessed this, but Vegas can be sleazy.  Yes, gentle reader, it's shocking but true.  Until you eventually succumb to Vegas' insistence that women are only good for one thing (not cooking, if you were wondering), it's terribly difficult divining between "ladies of the evening" and "ladies out for an evening"... I might add, especially without staring. 

Granted, some girls just wanna have fun or otherwise dress to make ooh-la-la memories with that special someone.  But darnit! It's hard!  Take any typical young lady walking around.  Many, surprisingly, actually struggle to walk with elegance on their 4" heels.  It begs a question!  Is she new at her job or just trying something new?  If they do manage a measure of grace, when have they had the opportunity to practice?

Sure, sometimes it's easy, like the 50ish GQ man with a young babe on each arm.  Definitely hired and probably expensive.  Well, maybe.  He might be a VIP of some sort.  How would I know?  And if so, he could probably afford to hire his companions.  I tell you, it's a circular problem that has no end.

It almost leads the curious to call the phone number on one of those moving billboards that pass you by on the Strip (don't see one, wait 30-40 seconds).  "Hot babes to your room in 20 minutes."  Faster than pizza.  Gotta like that.

Hot Babes Truck

I mean, an escort is someone to pal around with, right?  Theres tons of things you can do together.  Aside from dining and go to a show, you might teach her the rules of hockey or give her real world applications of the Pythagorean Theorem at the Luxor.  After all, prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas.  And if they're hot babes, maybe they're that way because their air-conditioning died too, and they can't help it if they inherited good genes.  And if not that, I'm sure they're just lonely and want to get away from the TV for a while.

Frequent readers can safely assume that this question might be better presented in context if pictures were provided.  When departing a (fantastic) Cirque du Soleil performance at Bellagio, the thought crossed my mind...


"O, I'd like to take a picture of that one."  But, common sense prevailed.  My wife would disown me for the rest of the evening, I'm sure that my subject would naturally turn out not to have been for hire, and I'd be deeply bruised by her significant other if I was called upon to explain my expository purpose.

Well, maybe next year I'll have an answer to this question.  Until then, I'm happy to be home, far, far away.

1 comment :

  1. Glad you had a good time in Vegas. I have just a few comments about your travel review. Statement number 2 was a revelation. I had always wondered how that whole heat thing worked. Do you suppose that is why Florida is so warm too?? Let's blame it on Disney. It really is tough to trust a man who made a mouse into the international phenomenon that he is today.

    As far as number 7 goes, didn't you get the memo that sleazy is the new black?? You didn't? Hmm, must have gotten lost in the mail. Ah well, *shrug*, we will try harder next time.

    Finally, inquiring minds want to know: Did what happened in Vegas, stay in Vegas? I am not sure that I believe you are telling us, your dear readers, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Next year, we will definitely make sure that we have eyes and ears on you at all times... Or does that sound too CSI? It could happen ya know... Truth is stranger than fiction. *wink*