The Axeman Cometh

I was very tempted to write a "I'm thankful for..." post on Thanksgiving. But, hey, the turkey wasn't the only thing that was stuffed, and a nap got the better of me. We move on to doing our part of in making Black Friday black, and, naturally, Saturday becomes consumed with Clemson's dominating 31-14 football win over perennially hapless USC (not the good school, rather the University of South Carolina). In short, I really haven't been in the mood to write. There are other amusements, after all. What to write?

At least one more CD review awaits another listen or two...
Politics? Done that. I'll wait for the sequel.
Radical Islamic Fundamentalism? That one's bubbling upwards, certainly.
Other religious topics? In due course.
General Diary entry? Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head... No.

But, when one is not in the mood to be particularly thoughtful, there's usually low hanging fruit to pick and be done with.

Thanksgiving would be one of those. We had 17 gathered at the in-laws. Per tradition, the food was as good as the Pro football games were bad. The nap? Exceptional. A day to pause and be thankful, uncorrupted by consumerism? Yes, it's my favorite holiday.

I'll forego the many things for which I'm thankful, but I will tie the rest of this post to a cousin of the cutting instrument used to slice such scrumpious meat.

That would be the axe. A simple machine, basically a wedge on the end of a handle, offering leverage for efficient cutting.

What in the world am I getting at? Well, one might do useful things with it like cut wood. A headsman might use it for a darker purpose. Medevial warriors might use it for hacking foes.

Bear with me. Years ago, I wore Old Spice a couple of times, for a 9th grade dance or something, and I have no issues with those who favor colognes. They're not for me.
The other vogue fasions at the time were leather Nike shoes (there was only the choice of white canvas
or white leather with the dominating Swoosh), Levi's jeans, and Members Only jackets. I had none of the above, but at least with my little white bottle of the good stuff I had
my one day in the sun, or, evening in the dark as it was. Old Spice... a nice, if unsophisticated, statement to those of the opposite gender.

One would think things get better over time. Fast forward some years, and I pick up my son's best friend at his house. Suddenly, my car becomes a toxic confined space. No, it's not ol' reliable Old Spice. This is something newer, and it's noxious threat is immediate, making one wonder how to lower the windows on a cold day and remain politically correct. The Department of Alcohol, Tobacoo, and Firearms should consider a licensing process for using this particular "cologne" (*cough cough*). It's threat to the public is very similar to ATF's titular responsibilities, in terms of irresponsible access and the potential damage to both users and the public at large. Not to mention my car! I mean, really. Any ol' kid can just go buy this stuff. And when you put it in the hands of a male 9th grader, one shouldn't be surprised that in the teen world, when it comes to making your presence known, you obviously want to use the entire supply.

This wasn't a CSI-worthy mystery to be analyzed and identified. This particular weapon of mass destruction has been on the grocery shelves at least several years.


No handle. No wedge. No sharp edge. Just pure blunt force.

Please take note of the rather innocent looking packaging. Don't bring even the slightest amount into your home. If it's already there, secure it safely with the rat poison for the protection of those you hold dear.

I must presume that like this odor du jour is as effective in its utility with teenage girls as its namesakes are for more workmanlike tasks. As I have a teenager daughter, this scares me, in that she could possibly fall victim to its power, that she make actually like some bestial teen who thinks it'll attract her, and, of course, that I may have failed miserably as a parent.

Lock your doors! Charge your muskets! Move the women and children to safety! And if an Axeman cometh, be very, very afraid.


  1. LOL!!! I can sympathize with the situation in the car. My younger sisters spray enough of their current "eau de toilette" to cause asthma attacks in a 3 block radius. Imagine if you will: 2 of those "axed" boys, wearing conflicting scents, trapped in your vehicle, and you can't open the windows. Needless to say, I have found reasons to be busy and not available for carpool!!

    If your daughter hasn't discovered the joys of perfume yet, *smile*, just give a few more years.


  2. Funny LOL Actually, Ed uses Axe deodorant. I kind of like it actually! I dont remember what fragrance it is... However, with deodorant, you can't really put "too much" of the scent on.